Over the past few years I have put a lot of thought into life. How and why we do things… what motivates us or holds us back… One thing I have noticed is that people (in general) seek acceptance and approval. Whether it is from family, friends, employers, or anyone else, we all have a need to find acceptance within the people we find most important in our lives.
Because of this need for acceptance, we learn what is acceptable for us to say and to do within our circles and we easily fall into doing and saying things so that we can stay within those lines. This can be a good thing when we cut out bad habits and make real changes in our hearts and lives to improve ourselves because we feel convicted to do so and especially if we are drawing closer to God and building a stronger relationship with Him through it.
My concern is more for when staying within those lines might become harmful to us. When we are acting only because we know what is expected of us or when we speak only what we know will be approved. Sometimes we have thoughts, feelings, desires or struggles that we know will not fall within what is acceptable or approved by others in our circles, so instead of being real about those things, we remain silent about them. However, that doesn't take away from the fact that they are still there.
So, we learn how to put a mask on… say all the right words, do what is expected, make sure that on the outside we look like we have it all together, when in reality there can be things in our minds and hearts that we really need to deal with. It becomes a real problem when we are not free to talk about these things because they don't just go away… even though many times we pray and ask God to help us get rid of them.
Why exactly is it that we are not free to speak of such things? Is it because we fear that speaking of them will make us appear weak? Is it because we may loose our status or level of approval? Maybe we fear that others will question our integrity? I read something recently that impacted me so much. The author of this book stated that we reward people by showing love, and punish them by withholding it. That simple statement blew my mind, because I have seen it done time and time again.
When people know that they are loved and accepted because of what they do and say, if they want to remain in that love, they will continue to do and say all the right things. Even when they might have real issues with the thoughts, feelings and/or desires they have inside their hearts and minds. If they know that love will be withheld from them for stepping outside the lines of what is acceptable, they will hide things, often times for many years, until one day it explodes.
This is why we have so many pastors, leaders and church members who fall into sinful situations or have “sudden” addiction problems or very critical family issues. They did not have the freedom to speak about what was real in their hearts and in their minds, because they knew that doing so was might have withheld the love they received and their acceptance among those who were important to them.
So in our venture to help people draw near to God and build long, lasting and fruitful relationships with Him, we also create a trap for them. Then when one falls, we blame them for not having a strong enough prayer life or for not reading the Word enough. We speak of how they should have been more committed or how they needed to do things differently so they wouldn’t have fallen into anything. But we never stop and think about how WE could have and should have helped them.
How could we help? By allowing people to be real, without the fear of losing their status or love and respect within their circles, letting them know that they will not be judged, condemned, seen or treated any less because of whatever battles they might be fighting. By allowing them to speak freely of their weaknesses, of their thoughts, feelings, frustrations, desires… any of it, all of it… the good and the bad… Allow them to be real in whatever way that is to them without withholding love or anything else that person might hold important because of it.
As people are free release these things in confidence, God then has the power to heal and restore those areas because they were able to bring the truth to light. The enemy no longer has a hold on them because his nasty tricks have been exposed. This is what God really wants from His people. This is what Christ came and died for. To remove the masks off God’s people, allowing them to reveal what was really within their hearts and be transformed by His mercy and grace.
I have decided in my heart and life, that it is far more important to me to be real about anything and everything I face in life. I speak transparently about what is in my heart, even when I know that it may not be within the lines of what is acceptable within my circles. I rather run the risk of never moving up in status or rank, than to put on a mask and appear to be something on the outside while knowing that something else is happening inside my mind or heart.
I am a great person and I have a great heart, but I am real all the same. This may work against me at times, but even then, I prefer to be real about everything in my life.
I pray that wherever you are in your journey with Christ, that you find the freedom to be real. First and most importantly with yourself, second with God, and then with those who are important to you within your circles in life. If you find yourself hiding behind a mask, I pray that you find the courage and the strength to seek God’s direction and find someone you can talk to that will not punish you by withholding love or acceptance of you. I pray that as you remove the mask, that you find healing, restoration and a greater relationships with God our Father than you could have ever imaged possible!
May you be blessed, free and fruitful in Him always!
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